Dating My Best Friend Was My Worst Decision Ever…
For the first time, I saw him shed tears even though he tried to hide it from me…
It's been a minute since I published a post… actually, its been a year! A whole lot has happened from the last time I wrote a Letter to My Future Husband till date and this is actually the hardest…
It was the year 2003, We had just resumed secondary school and I remember clearly that I was playing outside when I saw this really cute “senior” with a cane.
That was the first day I saw Caleb (not real name).
Fast forward to 4,5,8 years later, we grew to become really good friends because somehow we started working together in church and then went to the same higher institution. Though he was way older, it didn’t matter as we would do a lot of things together, go on random drives around town, watch football matches together, and most especially he always dropped me off after choir rehearsals.
He was(is) the perfect gentleman..
Somehow, we grew to really like each other but I was in a really long-term relationship at that time(my first, actually), that I just wouldn’t leave even though I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. He asked me to be his girlfriend in 2011 then and I can remember vividly how I turned his proposal down while standing at the balcony of the office I was working in then and trust me, It was a very emotional scene for both of us.
For the first time, I saw him shed tears even though he tried to hide it from me... Like a dude cried because I turned him down….( I guess was such a babe…..see picture below )
Just after the balcony incidence, he left the town and I ended my so-called long relationship, graduated from school and left the town for service too. It wasn’t surprising that Caleb and I got talking again.
We would call randomly almost every month, share ideas, talk music, personal relationship issues and much more.
Now, the sweet-bitter experience;
We became best friends again and every year, as usual, he would travel home for the festive period to spend time with family (especially me) and we would spend precious moments together like the good ol’ days. Guess what, he asked me to be his girlfriend again for the second time, and this time I was ready.
I was ready because I was single, needed or felt I needed another relationship and then he seemed perfect because he was my best friend. What could be better?!
The popular saying “Marry your best friend” was my mantra and that was my worst decision ever!
We kickstarted the relationship because everything looked perfect;
• We were best friends.
• We were childhood pals.
• We had a very good history together filled with happy memories.
• Our families were quite close and they loved each one of us separately.
• We were from the same state.
• 90% of our beliefs and plans aligned perfectly.
Everything seemed so perfect.
Not every good person or friend is meant for you.
I should have realized the statement above wasn’t meant for me because I kept pushing and forcing things to work whether I felt great about it or not because he was my best friend. I would mutter to myself “this is supposed to work…right?”.
Self-love is great but should not be selfish.
We only gave what we wanted to give and when we wanted to give at least 70% of the time. We had flaws we couldn’t live with or manage properly but I kept telling myself “he is my best friend and this should work..” more so, we were told to marry one.
6 months of good and bad moments after, we had a few issues, took a very silent break, that I didn’t see coming and just like that, on a cold night in my house, I made the call that led to my own heartbreak.
*Insert this prayer*.. “May we not make the calls that would bring us tears…”
I became really bitter….so bitter, hurt and heartbroken that months passed with me carrying so much pain everywhere but I pretended everything was just fine. I went on about life as if it never happened physically but within me, I was heartbroken and angry with myself for even trying and him too.
I knew I had lost him totally when I couldn’t stand his presence online and had to block him on all social media channels for my own sanity.
…and here’s the worst part…
For the first time in over 10years, he didn’t show up on New Year’s Eve and when we crossed over to the new year, I knew I had lost someone dear literally.
He was always the first and longest hug I would get every new year in church but this time he didn’t show up because days after when we talked on phone, he told me “he didn’t feel like coming home”.
For the very first time, he didn’t show up.
He didn’t show up…😢😢
(Yes, I am over that phase, better now and ready for intentional love with the right person…these are just some of the wrong decisions we make in life that we wish we had done better..)
P.S: If there’s anything you would keep to heart, hold this;
You do not have to marry your best friend. It is absolutely okay to be in sync but not in love.
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Email: precious.bekha@gmail (If you want to send a private mail..)