You don’t just pick up the pieces and move on. You play this script!
This article was first written and abandoned in my drafts 3 years ago (2017). Today I visited the articles in my drafts and I thought to myself, “no better time to share than now”. This time, you get to read the product of a date I had with a friend 3 years ago, somewhere in Lagos, Nigeria.
A few years ago, I met up with a friend for an evening date. We had not seen each other for a while after moving to Lagos because of the “busy Lagos life” or whatever excuses we gave each other. Anyways, we were both out for a date at a restaurant to catch up on the activities we have missed.
We talked about the relocation process and how difficult it has been getting used to the Lagos life. We talked about work, colleagues, new friends, fashion mishaps, plans for the future, and relationships.
We are “love freaks” (as I like to call it), so talking about relationships, and all has always been an interesting topic for us. But this time, talking about it was totally different. The feeling and mood while sharing were different.
We shared so many kinds of stuff about all the long lost lovers we once had and the ones we still have in our lives. But this time, we spoke about them with fewer emotions. We spoke about them only as people we actually did love but not anymore.
Right there, the underlying question that motivated this article popped up in my head.
How do lovers become strangers?
Yes. How the hell do lovers become strangers or people we literally lose all emotional feelings for? Maybe not entirely, but far from the actual feelings. Right there, all I could think about was how the lovers we were once crazy about turned to people “we once knew” or existed in our past.
Let’s paint this…
First. You meet someone, you think he/she is the best thing that has ever happened to you, you tell your friends all about him, you hang out together, you say “I love you” a million times, you both plan to spend forever together, and fights happen, arguments come up, compatibility issues arise, gradually everything starts crashing like a pack of cards. This might not be your own story because truly, every story has it’s own plot.
Where was the love or rather what was that “love” you both claimed to have? What led to the heartbreak you’re experiencing now from that one person who was a perfect fit for the perfect future filled with laughter, joy, and family you fantasized about? Could it be that some beautiful things are just temporary? Truly though, I think they are.
To think some people would turn out to be strangers is somewhat unimaginable really. But then, that’s life. They leave or we leave. We lose ourselves trying to hold on to what we can, but it still slips off. We shed the tears. We try to look for answers to see if we can fix issues just one last time, but we fail again. It does hurt. Doesn’t it?
Even though we have no explanation of how these things happen, I would want you ( and me) to note and remember;
1. Life is a journey. A journey that ends when we die. Let this be a reminder when it feels like your world is about to stop because of a relationship that did not work out.
2. Not all romantic relationships would lead to marriage. Yes, I understand that this might be the end goal, but can you really force it if it just isn’t right? We will meet and lose people we truly loved and planned to build forever with at some point. We will and that is totally fine.
3. Someone letting you go because they didn’t know you were still unfolding is okay too. Not everyone will get the memo that you do not have your life figured out yet.
4. You will let someone go too because you know they don’t fit in. Yes, you would be the bad guy in someone else’s movie too. They would feel broken. Just be sure of what you are doing.
5. Heartbreaks will NEVER ever kill you. Never! It has never killed anyone. Our reaction to it is what might probably kill. Like committing suicide or settling into depression. Please don’t.
6. Hope. You will find romantic love if you haven’t. Maybe not as soon as you want it but it will happen when it will.
7. Remember, we all start as strangers, but we forget that we rarely choose who ends up a stranger too. Don’t beat yourself too much.
8. Feel the Pain but Don’t Sleep On It. You have the ability to make or mar your life. Don’t stay too long crying over what you cannot control. Allow yourself to feel the pain of losing the one thing that meant a lot to you, but don’t sleep on it.
9. Get used to loving yourself. You see, in all happy or sad endings, one person is left standing alone. Everything in life will always start and end with you. Get used to it and love your self.
10. There is no better time to live on your own terms than when you’re single! Need more explanations for this? Nah.
I’ll leave you with the lyrics of “When Lovers Become Strangers” by Cher.